Dating Advice For Singles From The Online Dating Expert

At ProfileHelper, I’ve worked with thousands of men and women to create their dating profiles or make over the ones they’ve already got. It seems that no matter what condition their profile is in when they come to me, they almost always have some problems with their photos as well. In fact it has become such a big deal that we started offering free photo assessments with out profile writing services.

In the battle of who has worse photos: men or women, there is no winner. Both sides have their own unique problems that can cause a perfectly good match to turn up their nose and go looking for romance elsewhere. Today, I want to focus on the guys.

Here’s five big mistakes that men make with their online dating photos.

1. Keep your shirt on – It doesn’t matter how ripped you are. Women don’t want to see your chest on your profile. It makes you look extremely vain and even if you are really ripped (and most of you aren’t as buff as you think), women look at these photos and laugh… right before they leave your profile and move onto the next.
2. You are not Corey Hart – Do not take pictures of yourself in Sunglasses. Women want to see your eyes. Covering them doesn’t make you look cool, it makes you look like a doofus.
3. You don’t need to be Mr. Popular – Make sure not all of your photos are taken with large groups, or even worse, a woman on your arm. Women want to see you, and just you. This includes cropped photos with the “phantom arm” around your neck.
4. No webcam photos allowed – Let’s face it, webcams take awful pictures. They are always too dark and too grainy. Besides, they give the impression that you live at the computer.
5. leave your “Player Face” at home – How hard is it to smile? That’s all you need to do. A decent smile can land you a first date without having to break a sweat. Don’t waste your time taking the “Mr. Serious” photo or the “Hey Baby, How you doin” Photo. They just don’t work.

Online dating or Matchmaking? Which one is better? I might be a bit biased, but I think Online dating is the best. Sure, there‘s tons of success stories out there from Matchmaking services. Take my friend Julie Ferman over at Cupid’s Coach for example. She’s absolutely the best there is. A lot of that is because she understands it’s not all about putting your life in the hands of a group and saying… ok, find my soul mate!

The main problem with Matchmaking is that you’re trusting your matchmaker to pick the perfect person for you from their list of other clients. What are the odds? A matchmaker might have 5,000 clients. When you put that up against the several million that some dating sites have… which do you think will give you the best chance of finding Mr. or Ms. Right?

The truth is, a lot of the big chain matchmakers have been getting sued lately for not being able to come through with the true love they promise. Just check out this article in the NY Post talking about how It’s Just Lunch is getting it’s Just sued. These services cost thousands of dollars. That is a huge physical and emotional investment in the quest for love. Interestingly, while the private firms like Cupid’s Coach pull in generally well adjusted happy people, the big chains resort to cold calling to get people in the door. They sell the individuals on the concept and then lock them into long term contracts that have no guarantee of success.

For my money, Online dating is the way to go. Sure, it will be a little more work on your part, but in the end it will all be worth it. You are the only one who knows what you want. You have a much better chance of finding someone from a large pool of potential dates than you do from a small pool that someone else is looking at for you.

Does this mean that online dating is the cure to everyone’s dating ills? Of course not. Online dating isn’t for everyone, and if you’re going to do it, you need to do it right. If you need help writing your profile or you need a private dating coach to help you along the way… ProfileHelper is there for you.

I’ve been getting a lot of emails lately from men who are using Craigslist. It seems that more than anyplace else, most of the women who post ads there are not women at all, but ads for different spammer companies. Interestingly though, I’ve also been getting some emails from women who are using craigslist. They want to know why guys don’t believe they’re real. When both genders are having these problems on the same dating site, it’s a recipe for disaster. To help out the guys, I’ve written up some tips to help them navigate the jungle of Craigslist in hoped of turning an online dating ad into real life romance.

Who’s Real and Who’s Fake?

OK let’s face it, if you’re looking at this post its because you’ve written to some women here and not gotten a response. Was it something you said? Were they even real women in the first place, or were they just a spammer, scammer or Russian bride in search of a green card?

I’ll be honest with you. There are a lot of fake profiles out there on this site. There are also some real ones. How do you tell? Well, there’s a couple of tricks you can use to figure it out.

1. Look at the location. Some fake profiles have Orlando listed, but most just have it blank If a woman on here is local, she will always put in a city in the location section to avoid getting responses from guys all over the place.
2. Use the Mouse! When you are looking at a profile, take your mouse and click at the top of the profile text. Now, drag your mouse all the way down to the location and posting ID. If you see invisible text starting to appear as you highlight the profile, it’s a fake.
3. To photo or not to photo? There’s a big brouhaha over photos or no photos on CL. Some guys think that any woman not putting up a photo on here is fake. I can tell you that is not true. Because this site does have a bit of a reputation… a lot of women would prefer to reveal themselves only to people who interest them. So I’ll be honest with you… No photo is definitely a yellow flag, but it’s not a red flag. So don’t go knocking people off just because you can’t see their face. But also, keep in mind that here is still a decent chance that they are not real.
4. links: Ok… this one is simple… If they are directing you to a website where they have “photos”, they are fake. Get over it and move on.

Craig’s list is a community, so you’ve got to have each other’s back here. What does that mean? Very simple. If you see a posting here that sounds hinky, or that shows the warning signs that I’ve listed, click the little spam button in the upper right-hand corner. This helps clean out all the garbage.

Finding the real women, but still can’t get a response?

A lot of that can be the way you respond to ads, or the ad you are placing.

How you present yourself is important. When you are writing an ad, the goal is to give people just enough info to make them want to know more. Think of this as your trailer. Don’t show your baggage. Stay Positive. Also, Don’t try to be funny. If you’ve got something funny to say, it will come through, but when you try to be funny, it just sounds like you are trying to be funny.

Also, when you put up an ad, if you include photos, make sure you are fully clothed. That means no shirtless pics. It doesn’t matter how ripped you are, women laugh at these photos. Even more important… NO photos of any part of your body that you’d get aressted for showing on the street!

When you are writing to someone who has posted an ad, keep it simple. Just give them the info that they are asking for. If they ask for a photo, give them one (see above for rules). Also, don’t question if they are real, and don’t try to sell yourself, just be yourself and if they are interested, they will respond.

Hopefully this will help you all succeed on Craigslist, but if you want private coaching, or helping making a great dating ad, just contact me. I’ve helped over 5,000 people improve their online dating lives and find love through the internet. Just check out ProfileHelper.com. Or give me a call at 888-44-profile.

Eric,

I get a lot of questions from people about their online dating photos. They want advice on what you should wear, who should be in it, what kind of lighting you should have… Well, we’ve got a lot of those tips in an earlier blog post. The issue that I want to deal with today is the increasing number of people who ask me if they really have to put up a photo on their profile. For the most part, the answer is a big fat yes.

The only reasons not to have a photo on your online dating profile are job related. If your job puts you in the public eye a lot, it is understandable that you would not want to show your photo on your profile because people might contact you just because you are a little bit famous. The other main thing is if you are a teacher. I speak to a lot of teachers who are concerned that their students are going on to these dating sites and they don’t want their students seeing their ad. Those are really the only two reasons why you might not have a photo on your profile.

If this is the case, keep in mind that there is a big downside. Profiles with no photos get viewed 8 times less than those with photos. In this case, my basic rule of online dating applies: Be Proactive. You should never expect the person of your dreams to find you. It is your job to find them. When you don’t even put a photo on your profile, it makes it almost impossible for them to find you, so you better be willing to get off your butt and make the first move. As an alternative to no photo, you might want to consider making your profile private. I know Match, Yahoo, FriendFinder, and a lot of other sites all offer this option. It means that you can see other profiles, but no one can see yours until you contact them. If you do this, the people you email will get to see your photos and no one will suspect that you have something to hide.

One excuse that is just not good enough is: “But I have bad photos.”… Too bad, you have to get better ones. If you can’t get that done with a friend, you can consider a professional. Do not use Glamour Shots. It is a whole lot of money, for photos that just look fake. We recommend Lookbetteronline, a company that specializes in Online Dating photography. If you go that route, choose a photographer who will come to you so you can avoid those fake looking studio shots. Click here for more info.

Next up… “Let’s Talk About Sex! Part 1…

Does size matter? That is the eternal question. Whether you are talking about cars, diamonds, or …other things, everyone seems to have an opinion. But what about writing your online dating profile? Does the size of the profile you put on Match.com, Yahoo Personals, or even eHarmony really matter? Absolutely!

When writing your online dating profile, it’s important to keep what you are saying balanced. Think of your profile in terms of The Three Bears. You want to find just the right balance to make Goldilocks or, Prince Charming choose your porridge. If you write a profile that is too short, singles will look at it and think that you either have nothing interesting to say or that you were just too lazy to put in the effort. But, if you write a profile that is too long, a lot of people won’t even read it. Even worse, there’s a good chance that when you filled all that space, you probably put in some things that shouldn’t be there. Show me a profile that’s longer than 350 words and I’ll tell you how their last relationship ended. I can almost bet you that they’ve let the reason slip in, even if they don’t realize it.

So how do you know if your profile is the right length?

Ask yourself these questions:
- Does it take me more than a minute to read my profile?
- On the dating site, do I have to scroll down to read my whole profile?
- Am I giving away more information than I would on a first date?
- Does it take less than 15 seconds to read my profile?

If the answers to any of these questions are yes, there’s a good chance that you’ve got size problems.Have one of our Online dating experts at ProfileHelper makeover your profile or write a whole new profile for you, just click here.

Coming up next: To Photo, or Not to Photo…

Let’s face it, people don’t come to me because they are succeeding at online dating. For one reason or another, they are either getting all the wrong people responding to their personal ads, or they just aren’t getting any responses at all.

The more people we help over at ProfileHelper.com (over 5,000 singles so far) the more I see some common trends starting to develop. There are the people who clearly don’t put any thought into how they present themselves on dating sites and then there are the people who put way too much thought into it. That’s where I’d like to focus today.

Yes, you can actually put too much thought into your online dating profile. The results are usually disastrous. Even worse, it causes a snowball effect. When you over think every word and second guess yourself from the beginning, its going to come across as a lack of confidence. When your first profile fails to get you a date, you just go back to it and put even more thought into it. You can actually think yourself to death.

This is how a lot of people burn out on online dating. They feel like they’ve put every bit of themselves into a profile on Match.com , or Yahoo! Personals, or wherever and all they get out of it is the stress and disappointment of failure. To these people I really only have one bit of advice to pass on today. Let it go. Online dating is a great way to meet people, but it’s not worth the ulcer that’s slowly eating away at your stomach. You are not disarming a suitcase nuke. The world’s future does not hinge on you getting this absolutely perfect. The point of a profile isn’t for it to be the best profile in the world. The purpose of a good online dating profile is that it let’s people know just enough about you and what you want that they want to know more.

I’m not saying that online dating help and profile writing services like ProfileHelper are for everyone. I’m saying that when you get to the point where you are over-analyzing every word you write and still not seeing any success, perhaps its time to get an outside perspective. It’s very hard to be objective about yourself. You’re just too close to you. If you aren’t careful, you’ll see just how easy it is to think yourself out of a date.

Hey all,

Once in a while I see something and it just strikes me as funny. Get to know me and you’ll quickly find that there are few things in this world I dislike more than Clowns, Mimes, or Asparagus… Taking that into consideration, I had to share with you all this video I just saw of a mime trying to pick up women. I don’t know if its funny, but any time a mime can be mocked, I will usually get a chuckle.

Eric

HOW TO: PICK UP WOMEN

Add to My Profile | More Videos

A couple days ago I put up a blog about eHarmony and all the reasons that I’ve never been a big fan of them. The catalyst behind this post was their recent trouncing in the press over what some people deem as discriminatory practices (i.e.: they only allow straight people to join the site). Now, this is a free country and I have firmly believe that when you own a company, you have the right to serve whomever you choose. My real issue with them on that level is that they aren’t up front about their policies.

At ProfileHelper.com, we help people from all backgrounds. Gay, straight, black, white, Asian, Jewish, Christian, Hindu, Democrat, Republican, cat lover, dog lover… You name it we’ve written online dating profiles for people who fit into that category.

The reason I’m bringing this up today is because I wanted to pass a special congratulations along to one of our talented writers at ProfileHelper. Jack Mauro is our Same Sex Profile Expert. He joined ProfileHelper.com to help with the growing number of Gay and Lesbian Singles who are looking for help with their online dating profiles. He’s an invaluable part of the team.

A few weeks ago, Jack’s book about online dating for Gay Men: M4M: For an Hour or Forever–The Gay Man’s Guide to Finding Love Online. It’s a great primer for Gay men looking to improve their online dating success.

M4M: For an Hour or Forever–The Gay Man’s Guide to Finding Love Online“>Check out the Book!

Online dating works. As the founder of ProfileHelper.com I’ve seen the majority of my clients go on to find friends, romance, and long-lasting love on dating sites. I even use Online dating as a means to meet new people myself. In a world where each new blue tooth headset and ipod makes us continuously more isolated, it only makes sense that people are reaching out more and more to meet people through the net. That being said, not all dating sites are created equal.

There’s three types of online dating sites out there. There’s the profile based sites (Match, JDate, FriendFinder, ChristianCafe), Social Networking (Myspace, Friendster, Facebook), and Matchmaking online dating sites (Eharmony, Chemistry, Great Expectations, ). For the most part, each one has its advantage. Personally, I’ll always lean towards the profile dating sites because they allow singles the most control over who they want to meet. The social Networking sites can be useful, but they are overrun with spammers and people just looking for one night stands. Besides, as I tell my clients, never join a site in search of a date that allows 14 year olds to set up profiles. There’s just something unsavory about that.

It’s the matchmaking sites that I have the hardest time with. Chemistry is still a new site. The verdict is still out on them for the moment. They are definitely one of the more accepting matchmaking sites and once they get their membership numbers up, it might just turn out to be ok. My main beef is with Eharmony. There hasn’t been a week that’s gone by since ProfileHelper was launched that I haven’t received an email or phone call from someone who complaining about Eharmony. They either went on the site and had a horrible experience, or even worse, they weren’t even allowed to join. People have actually called me in tears after seeing all the happy couples on the Eharmony ads and then not being allowed to join. They want to know why they weren’t good enough.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that nobody succeeds on Eharmony. If that was the case, who would be on all those commercials? I’m saying that the site is really built for only one kind of person (In my opinion).

Eharmony.com is built for people who want to settle down and are willing to settle to make it happen. They capture people with a strong marketing campaign and then get them emotionally invested after they spend two hours filling out the 300+ word profile. At that point, they decide if you are the type of person they want in their ranks. If you get in, you feel special, but if you are rejected, it is a double slap in the face.

Why do people get rejected? Well, Eharmony is a straight people only site, so if you don’t fit that mold, forget about it (FYI Mypartnerperfect.com just launched as the new premier matchmaking and relationship site for gay men). They also have an issue with people who have had multiple divorces, and there are several other factors that seems almost arbitrary. The point is that if you get in, it is because they feel that you are motivated enough to find a relationship, that you will be willing to choose from the people their computer selects for you.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I trust my guy more than a machine’s. I use Match.com because I can use their search tools to narrowly define what I want in a mate and I can then decide who I want to contact. With Eharmony, you have to take what they give you. Most of the times this means compromising on some of your biggest relationship goals. Even worse, some clients receive as little as one potential match a week. For my $50 dollars a month, those pickings are just too slim!

If you saw yesterday’s news, you know that Eharmony is being sued for discriminating against their applicants. Between this and the negative experiences that my clients have related to me, I just can’t see the point in a site like this. So here’s my advice:

Find a site with a good size population. Match and Yahoo are the biggest for general dating and relationships, JDate is the best for Jewish Dating, ChristianCafe is tops for Christians… Write a profile (if you need help just go to ProfileHelper.com) and then use the great search tools these sites give you to find someone who feels right to you. Don’t let a computer tell you what you want. Don’t take the blue pill. Until you do, you’ll never know about all the great singles that you aren’t meeting.

Hi again,

As some of you know, I fancy myself as a bit of a cook. As anyone who’s seen the likes of Nigella Lawson in the kitchen knows, food is passion. That being said, I was just wondering… What’s the most romantic meal that a date/ spouse has ever prepared for you, or that you’ve prepared for them? Let me know and I’ll post some of the best answers in future blogposts.